Monkeys!!!!!

I know all of my loyal fan have been looking forward to when I tackled monkeys. Well I tackled one last week and it was a slippery bugger! But I caught him eventually and he flung his poo at me, as usual. Stupid monkey.

Anyway, who doesn't love a monkey? And who doesn't want to own one?

There are helper monkeys:



There are circus monkeys:



There are organ grinder monkeys:



And there are cheeky monkeys:



But whatever kind of person you are there is a monkey that suits your lifestyle.



There are a few rules when you own a monkey.

Rule 1) Never look them in the eye! They take that as an act of aggression. (I know a few women like that too).
2) Always make sure they wear a diaper. That is an important one. It is difficult if not impossible to toilet train a monkey and you don't want poop all over your floors. Which brings us to...
3) Watch out for flung poop!!! Every once in a while they will fling their poop. Sometimes they do it to mark their territory, sometimes the do it for fun and sometimes they are just being jerks.
4) Get a monkey minder. You are a person on the go, a wheeler-dealer, so whenever possible make sure you have somebody to look after your monkey when you are not home. This could be a neighbour, a friend or a midget.
5) Never get between a monkey and a banana! This is just common sense. You will be drawing back a bloody stump.


If you follow these rules you will have many happy years of monkey ownership! ****






****These rules also apply to midget ownership****