Your Favourite Simpsons

You know mine, now tell me your favourite Simpsons episode.

The Simpsons!

I have been a bit lax lately with my blog and I have no excuses, I am a lazy bugger. Well here is a new one about one of my favourite shows The Simpsons. Today it was announced that the show has been extended another two years and that is great stuff. While there have been some low points in the last 20 years there have been entirely too many highs to cancel this amazing show. Here are the top 5 episodes according to me in the last 20 years.

1) New Kid On The Block: This episode from the 4th season concerned the new neighbour girl (played by Sarah Gilbert) moving in and babysitting Bart, Lisa and Maggie. There are just so many classic lines that it's retarded! It was also written by Conan O'Brien.
(Sample dialogue: Homer: You see, son, a woman is a lot like... err... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds... they... make ice... uhhh... oh! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! [drains his beer] But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman! [runs to the fridge]...time passes... Homer: [drunk] So I sez "Yeah? If you want that money, come and find it, 'cuz I don' know where it is, ya baloney!" You make me wanna retch! [falls asleep]

[At the Frying Dutchman, Homer continues to eat everything in sight. The waitstaff look on.]
Waiter: That man ate all our shrimp! And two plastic lobsters!
Capt. McAlister: 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eatin' machine!

2) Mr Plow: Also from the 4th season, just freakin' hilarious!

(Sample dialogue: Insurer: This place Moe's you were at, just before the accident... this is a business of some kind?
Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar... but what else is open at night?
Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
Homer's Brain: Heh, heh! I would've never thought of that!

[After the Mr. Plow commercial has aired]
Homer: Well, John Q. Driveway has our number. Now we play the waiting game...
[Several seconds pass...]
Homer: Ah, the waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!)

3) Monorail: I know it's 4th season too. Also written my Conan O'Brien but it's just chock-full of good sh*t.

(Sample dialogue: Homer: Doughnuts... is there anything they can't do?

Homer: Are we gonna die, son?
Bart: Yeah, but at least we'll take a lot of innocent people with us.

Marge: [opening the fire extinguisher door in the monorail] Homer, there's a family of possums in here.
Homer: I call the big one "Bitey.")

4) $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling):
No this is not in the 4th season it's in the 5th. Great writing and video on this one.
(Sample dialogue: Lisa: I just had a bad dream!
Homer: Ah, sure, you just lie down and tell me all about it.
Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd but I dreamed the Boogeyman was after me and he's hiding in the...
Homer: AAAAAHHH! BOOGEYMAN! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun! (storms into Bart's room and wakes him up) Bart, I don't want to alarm you but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!
Bart: Aaaahhh!

Homer: No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!)

5) Bart Gets An Elephant: Season 5. A Classic.
(Sample dialogue: Bart: After breakfast, me and Milhouse are goin' down to the ravine. We got a tip from a five-year-old that there's a dead Martian down there.
Lisa: And I'm going to jam with the Little White Girls Blues Quartet. (to Homer): Wanna come with me, Daddy-o?
Homer: Sorry, honey. I'd love to, but Daddy has to go to a beer-drinking contest.
Bart: Think you'll win?
Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

Lisa: Mr. Blackheart?
Blackheart: Yes, my pretty?
Lisa: Are you an ivory dealer?
Blackheart: [laughs] Well, little girl, I've had lots of jobs in my day: whale-hunter, seal-clubber, president of the Fox network, and, like most people, yeah, I've dealt a little ivory. )

Banned Atheist Ads!

Bloody hell were are the backbones today? OC Transpo in Ottawa has banned the atheist ads which say "There probably is no God so you might as well enjoy yourself!" because they might offend other religions. WTF?? I mean if religion is "offended" buy such an innocuous set of advertisements maybe they should look at themselves. If the OC Transpo banns these ads then they should ban all religious advertising. A person who is Muslim may find a Christian ad insulting and visa verse. This is ridiculous. Toronto allows them, Calgary, Vancouver!! Why not Ottawa? I hope that today's council meeting they find their balls and approve the ads or I just might have to get up off my ass and do something about my atheist rights!

My Absence

Please excuse my absence from my blog as I won the Lottery on Friday. I won $5 000 000 and went a bit crazy. I got the money and bought a house and gave the decorator a blank cheque to do what he and his "life partner" thought fit. Then I flew to Vegas and gambled a bit. After I blew $1 000 000 at the craps tables (aptly named) I met a lovely young lady at the bar (she said her name was Lola, I thought that was a pretty name for a girl with such a large Adam's apple) and we got married. We proceeded to drink large quantities of tequila and then consummate the marriage (at least that is what she told me when I came to). After the light of day came and Lola shaved, I decided I didn't want to be hitched after all and after a quickie divorce that only cost me $500 000 in a one-time lump sum payment, I set off to Los Angeles. I met up with Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears and we went to The Viper Room. We drank all night and may have popped some pills as the next thing I remember we were driving away from the cops and paparazzi in a stolen Maserati. I had to bribe the coppers to let us go and I had to pay the whole thing myself (apparently "stars" don't carry money with them). After that I flew home and found that the decorator had sold the house from under me and wrote a cheque for $1 000 000 for himself and his two new "life partners". Oh well, all in all $5 000 000 well spent.

WTF????

Roberto Alomar AIDS Lawsuit
John Marzulli and Tracy Connor of the New York Daily News have the story:
Baseball great Roberto Alomar has full-blown AIDS but insisted on having unprotected sex, his ex-girlfriend charged Tuesday in a bombshell lawsuit.
Alomar's lawyer wouldn't comment on his client's health, but called the lawsuit "totally frivolous."

Wow, just wow. How the mighty have fallen. He is screwed.

A-Rod Redux

Oddly, I cannot comment on my own blog. Or to be more specific, I don't know how to. Anywho, I like Alex Rodriguez, I think he is an amazing player steroids or not. He is a bit of a screw up off the field, but that doesn't take away from his baseball abilities. Also, he has a big pile of money to cry on so I don't feel bad for him.

Tonights CSI Miami

OK, I have a quiz for you. How do you make an already horrible, horrible show even worse? Answer, you invite Sean "Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy" Combs to be on the show. Sweet Jesus.

Alex Rodriguez

Wow, it was announced last week that Alex Rodriguez had taken and been tested positive for steroids. Now, people who know me know that I am not a Yankee fan to put it mildly, however it is a sad thing to hear. I know there has been controversy around A-Rod since he was a rookie but none of it was really baseball related: high salary, strippers, divorce, Madonna, his and Jeter's "sleepovers" but now it has been proven and he has admitted to taking steroids from 2001-03. This is a very good athlete who is one of the greatest hitters in history and has proven it the last 5 years that he has been "clean", why would he juice? Disappointing to say the least.

P.S. Yankees Suck

P.P.S. Go Bosox!

Best Album Of All Time

So everyone, what is your favourite album of all time? There are too many to list here and my taste may not be your taste, so just put your favourite album or albums in the comments box and we will see what the general consensus is at the end. I will put my own two cents worth.

Led Zeppelin I

Quadrophenia

Let the world know what your bestest album ever is!

Sheer Heart Attack

I was listening to an old tape today (yes a tape) and I can't believe how awesome the Queen album Sheer Heart Attack is. From beginning to end a solid album. From the bombastic Stone Cold Crazy to the operatic Lap Of The Gods., every song a good one. Buy the CD or download it. Put it on whenever the radio starts to play Nickleback and then you can listen to what a real band is!

Stye Update

I know you have all been waiting with bated breath for the results. And the results are.....*drum role*...I have to wait another month before they will do surgery! Son of a bitch. March 6th is my apointment, can't freakin' wait.

My 30th Post!

This is my 30th post. That is all.

My Stye

OK today is the day I have my apointment with my optomologist. I hope today is my last day with a stye. I will let you know how it went.

Best Overweight Actor

The results are in from last week's poll. Apparently Samantha Foxx brought more than just me into puberty. Thank you for your participation. Now I would like to know who your favourite overweight actor is:

William Conrad?

Nell Carter?

Marlon Brando?

Raymond Burr?

Charles Durning?

TV Shows That Are Bad

Now there are a lot of bad TV shows out there but here are a few that insult even plants' intelligence. First one is a doosie:

CSI Miami: There are many things wrong with this show, first off is David Caruso. I don't know if there is a worse actor out there. He cannot look the camera straight on, he is always at an angle. His lines, whilst they are supplied to him, are delivered poorly and it always seems as though he is talking down to you. There is only one good thing about him and this show and that is the drinking game where you take a shot every time he takes off his sunglasses. You are usually sh*t-faced before the first commercial. As for the rest of the cast they seem to have been recruited by "model good looks" instead of ability. They all seem to have only two facial expressions: serious or smiling. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Should be removed immediately.

The War At Home: Now this show is no longer on TV but it was clearly head and shoulders below any other show. It was between The Simpsons and Family Guy so it managed to get 3, count them THREE seasons. Michael Rapaport could be the second worst actor on TV next to The Red Headed Blunder Caruso. I don't think I have believed him in one of his roles. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Who's Line Is It Anyway (American Version): Now I have to distinguish between the American and British version. The British version was good and hosted by Clive Anderson, the American version was bad and hosted by Drew Carey. Now I liked The Drew Carey show, it was well written and funny and well acted but it is obvious that Drew Carey is NOT an improv artist. His ad libs are atrocious and uncomfortable. He is not funny.

Royal Canadian Air Farce: What a collection of ugly, ugly people. They are not funny. As a matter of fact they are the opposite, they are unfunny. The jokes are laboured, the impersonations are bad and the acting is not good at all. Only on CBC could they have been successful. Thankfully, they are no longer on the "air", don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.